I kind of wish there’d been more of a warning though about the way this weird life goes back in college when I was still going back and forth between being a high school English teacher or following this theater thing and seeing where it went. Because sometimes I look at my photo albums somewhere like Facebook and I actually can’t believe all the things I’ve seen and done or the fact that I’ve managed to do them all while stage managing and other times all I can think about are all the normal things I’m missing – time with my family, settling down and starting a family of my own, having a home, living in one place for more than 6 months at a time, never seeing my friends. I sort of wonder when I’m old if this will all be worth it.
What if I never do wind up doing any of those normal things? I’m not even sure if I could anymore. I feel like if I ever did try to settle down, 6 months in I’d just want to move onto the next thing. I feel like when I’m 75 though, I will look back on all this and feel like I was chasing the wrong things.
What if every choice I’ve made has been the wrong one? How do you shake that feeling and move past it? Maybe if I were more successful and felt like I was actually achieving something with my career, because it all honestly feels very pointless lately.